saying goodbye

I am sad to report that Rosie our goldfish has died. Now this isn’t that much of a surprise as she did come from the Hook a Duck stand at the fair and so her life chances were fairly slim. However we did our best by her, bought her a big tank with a filter, some plastic plants and a little rainbow to swim under if she so pleased. So we are holding on to the fact that her few short days with us were at least happy ones.

Luckily I spotted it first so the hard part was breaking the news to our little girl who had won Rosie last weekend and was very excited to have a pet all of her own. There were the expected tears and the heart breaking question of ‘Was it my fault? Did I feed her too much?’. We had to explain that we didn’t really know why Rosie had died but we think she had been happy with us and we will bury her in the garden later (and pray that the cat doesn’t dig her up).

It reminded me of how hard it was to explain death to her when my granddad passed away earlier this year. We are not religious so steered clear of talk of heaven, focusing on the fact that he had had a long and happy life with his family, that he was old and poorly and that his heart had stopped beating. It then got into a bit of a biology lesson about the heart and blood pumping round the body. As she was only three she soon forgot all of this and moved on to something else. But she does come back to it from time to time, especially if other people talk about him and asks where Great Granddad Roy is and we have to explain again. As she is a bit older now I think she understands it a little more and has asked when she will die which was a hard question to answer. I try to be as truthful as possible with her but didn’t want to say ‘I don’t know’, so focused on the fact that most people don’t die until they are very old and she had lots of years to go. I imagine there will be lots of difficult questions I will need to answer in the future.

She hasn’t yet asked if we are going to get another goldfish and if she does I am not sure what my response will be – I don’t want her to think that when something dies it can easily and quickly be replaced. And besides I didn’t want a goldfish in the first place!

Back to school

I love this time of year and the ‘back to school’ vibe. It normally doesn’t affect me too much as the Open University is pretty much a 52 weeks a year affair. However, this year has been very different as my four year old has started school. So far all seems to be going well, she is enjoying it and was even awarded ‘star of the week’ last week for settling in so well. In fact she seems to be coping with this change much better than her parents. For us it feels like we are sending her off to fend for herself for the first time. Though to be honest she did go to nursery for a couple of mornings a week from 18 months old so it’s not as if it is the first time we have sent her into the wilderness.  I think it is more the psychological difference as the nursery were always very keen to keep us involved and informed on the practical stuff such as whether she ate all her lunch and her development.

I know it is early days yet and there hasn’t been time to get to know the teachers and staff at the school but information is pretty hard to come by – mostly based on notes in the school bag. I have no real idea of what she is eating at lunch time as at four years old she isn’t that informative herself – she told me yesterday that she had a slice of bread for lunch! The other concern is whether she will make friends easily as no one else from her nursery ended up at the same school and there are only a handful of girls in her class. I am probably focusing on my own hang-ups here as I struggle to make friends sometimes.

I suppose I should take my cues from her – she is really enjoying it and I am sure if anything was bothering her she would tell me. It’s all part of the learning experience for her and for me – learning to let go a little.