One of those days….

On today’s performance I don’t think I will make the short list for ‘mother of the year’ and it’s not as if anything that terrible happened.

It was more an accumulation of lots of not great things – not having enough sleep; little girl getting upset this morning as daddy is away for a few days; her then forgetting her water and hat so I had to go back to school with them; a hot walk into town where I forgot half of the things I needed to get; baby boy falling asleep on the way home meaning he didn’t want a nap later (and so I couldn’t do any revision); a very smelly poo done during the school run (by baby boy!) and of course I didn’t have the changing bag so had to come home with the noxious aroma filling the car; then he wouldn’t lie still when being changed so said poo nearly ended up smeared all over the carpet; and then to cap it all off little girl had the mother of all tantrums when asked to have bath during Charlie and Lola.

So everyone is having an early night, the children have been dispatched and I have a cup of tea, chocolate and a hot bath waiting for me. The revision will just have to wait until tomorrow.

identity crisis

Last week was a bit of a milestone for me, as it would have been the week I returned to work after maternity leave. As it is I am no longer gainfully employed having been made redundant so last week was when I properly became a ‘stay at home’ mum. On the whole I am glad about the redundancy as it would have been tricky to combine commuting to London with school and nursery pick-ups and it has given me the time (and cash) to complete my MBA. On the downside though I have had to reconsider my identity as work has always been such a huge part of my sense of self and place in the world. So for a while I felt a bit lost and a bit unsure as to how to describe myself. As with any change I have come through the different stages – denial, anger etc and (I think) I have finally reached the nirvana of acceptance. It still says internal communications on my Linked In profile as I feel I should have a ‘professional headline’ and I keep up with blogs and Twitter so that I still feel in the loop. It’s hardest when I see roles advertised that I think I would be good at and enjoy – I am usually tempted to apply just to see but luckily the effort of doing the applications stops me.

I know this is only for a short period of time in the grand scheme of things (the money will run out sooner rather than later) and I should just get on and enjoy it rather than worry. I love the time I get to spend with my children (apart from the temper tantrums) and know a lot of people would swap with me in a second. So I shall say it loud and say it proud “I am a stay at home” – just don’t have a go at me if I occasionally have a moan about missing the world of work.